Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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