If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
