Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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