Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
