we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
