Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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