at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
