Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
