i think i have herpe
just one?
now i know why i became what i already was.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
