He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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