if you like me you must not know who I am
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
