Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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