My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
