I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
