why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
