I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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