Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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