I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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