just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
