Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
