I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
whose parrot is this?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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