I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
