I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
