So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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