i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
