ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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