Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
