Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
