OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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