why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
