nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
