this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
