the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
