her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
