Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're so committed to being not committed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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