I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
