I hate all girls vehemently.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
