You smell like a Billy Joel song
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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