Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
