Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
