Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
