I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
