he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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