Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
