I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
