Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
