I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
