I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
