she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
