It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
