This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
