giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
