This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
