woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
