I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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