I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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