So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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